I have sexual fantasies about people of the same sex

Miss Yang: Hello! I saw your blog, so I wanted to ask you a little bit about relationships. I'm 17 years old, in high school, and I feel like I'm really gay. I'm a guy, and I feel like I'm in love with a guy in my class, and I have sexual fantasies about him every night. I miss him when I don't see him. I care about him. His family situation is not very good, every time I see him sad, I feel very sad. The worst part is that he thinks of me as his best friend, I really feel miserable, I can't express my feelings with him every day, I really don't have the courage to tell him "I love you", then he will definitely hate me. I'm very distressed. Although I am in Canada (gay marriage is allowed), I still do not want to become a gay, I want to become a normal person. I do! Besides, I don't want to lose my best friend. What do you suggest I do? This student: Hello! The first thing you need to know is that everyone has some kind of homosexual seed in them, which means that no one is 100% heterosexual. You and your friend are very close, often play and socialize together, even if there is intimate contact and sexual fantasies, it is very normal, it does not mean that you are gay. In addition, you are currently in adolescence, which is a period of relatively chaotic sexual tendencies, and it is also the process of gradually moving from childish and disordered sexual tendencies to mature and orderly sexual tendencies. In this process, we get along with same-sex friends for a long time, of course, in the process of getting along with love, coupled with their curiosity and the spirit of seeking stimulation, the production of his sexual fantasy is natural. A study of male sexual fantasies revealed that one of the most common sexual fantasies of heterosexuals was having sex with someone of the same sex. So for your situation, do not determine whether you are gay, but keep an open mind, according to their true feelings to try and experience, through practical experience, you will find out whether you are really physically attracted to the same sex. If you discover in your trials and experiences that you are not really attracted to the body of the same sex - you will soon find out the truth. It is also possible that you are attracted to members of the same sex, but that attraction is not dominant in your sexual desire, and you are more attracted to women; It is also possible that as you spend more energy exploring your psychosexual processes without labeling yourself freely, you will gain an objective understanding of yourself. In addition, I want to tell you that sexual fantasy and sexual orientation are not necessary, so the most important thing for you is not to label yourself as gay. As I said before, puberty is a period of relatively chaotic sexual orientation, and the process of gradually moving from childish and disordered sexual orientation to mature and orderly sexual orientation. This process is essentially a process of gradual correction of sexual tendencies, so you don't have to worry and agonize. If you consciously adjust yourself during the occurrence and development of childish and disordered sexual tendencies, put more emotion into making friends, both of the same sex and of the opposite sex. Of course, it is much more difficult to communicate with the opposite sex than with the same sex. Fear and hesitation must be overcome; If you can take the initiative to communicate, get the acceptance of the opposite sex, is successful, in this kind of communication is conducive to shaping their own personality, make up for their own shortcomings. This not only helps to dilute your inner contradictions, but also objectively helps to maintain self-esteem, so that you will not be hurt too much. To think, to explore: what is the difference between being a man and a woman, what are the norms of behavior that society requires of men and women, how can you embrace your gender? You can observe people around you, you can discuss it with your classmates and friends, you can ask adults you trust, or you can look for answers in literature and art. When you have a clearer understanding of these issues, you will be able to free yourself from sexual feelings and no longer have doubts about your gender role. The above are some of my opinions and suggestions, your friend Yang Yonglong wishes you a successful self-conscious adjustment! Hello, Miss Yang! Thank you very much for enlightening me. I always thought my life was over, but I'm not as bad as I thought I was. Thank you very much!